HOW TO ACHIEVE THE AMERICAN DREAM
Ten Easy Steps to Achieve the American Dream*
STEP 1
Select a product that will produce green energy. Product examples are solar cell arrays, windmills and ethanol.
Do not worry if the product is presently being made by someone else or can be made cheaper offshore. These factors, while important for determining how long the project lasts, will not prevent you from realizing the American Dream.
STEP 2
Involve some friends in the project to help them realize their American Dream. The more friends you involve, the more successful Step 9 will be. This team of you and your friends will be the Organizers .
STEP 3
Form a Corporation. This can be done cheaply using forms provided by your state or by using an Internet legal services organization.
STEP 4
Create a business plan for the project that includes Steps 5-9 below.
The plan should involve raising at least a half billion dollars.
STEP 5
Discretely calculate how long it will take for the company to be bankrupt. Avoid having email messages with the results of this calculation leaked outside the group of organizers.
This calculation will be needed for Step 8.
STEP 6
Explain your business plan to the White House Energy Czar, the Secretary of Energy, the President and any underlings in the West Wing that can help sell your plan. Step 9 will guarantee you will not need much selling help.
STEP 7
Accept the half billion dollars of taxpayer money graciously and deposit it into your company’s bank account. The realization of the American dream is now guaranteed.
STEP 8
Give yourself and the other Organizers you involved in Step 2 a large salary so you can put aside a healthy amount for a comfortable retirement (Step 10) and still have enough left over for Step 9.
STEP 9
All the organizers give generously, as promised, to the President’s reelection campaign. The recipient will assure nobody effectively questions this laundering of taxpayer money.
STEP 10
Retire early to a Florida condo with the proceeds of Step 8.
You have realized the American Dream and live happily ever after.